semi-charmed life

The life I live. Love the life I live but I wish there were some things that I could change. I'm blessed with the family God has given me but sometimes I wish.. just wish that they were my birth parents or at least had my birth parents. Never had a problem not fitting in but always felt like I didn't belong..
This is bad but I do, I hate my parents for putting me and brothers through this. But I guess I wouldn't be where I'm at now had it not happened, huh. 10 years later and I'm still bitter about.. kinda getting sick of being bitter about it but there's nothing else I can do.. at least I'm really good at hiding it though... I guess

far away

I wanna go somewhere far far away where no one knows who i am. I've probably blogged about this before but i really do just wanna go, run away somewhere far.

success

today for some reason felt like a really successful day. started the day with making a PB&J sandwich.. already off to a good start AND i didn't have school , whoop whoop. finished the campus visit for my senior project with 3 of the coolest people on planet earth and now i just have to write my college research paper.. which i should be doing now , oh well. tennis match was canceled which i was kinda glad about. feeling lazy and plus it was waaaay too cold. i was wearing 3 layers of pants, shirt, sweatshirt and gloves and i was still cold.. damn you washington weather. ended up hanging out with the bestfriend meg meg the rest of the day. and now just chillin on the bed, maybe gonna go to sleep or write that essay.

the remedy

I won't worry my life away.
though it's easier said than done, i'll really try. why worry anyway, right? just let life take its course and see where it leads you. not saying made stupid decisions and just hope that everything will be okay but instead don't worry about the things you have no control over. I think that's where I struggle. I am constantly worried about something. I can't have fun because of fear or paranoia. I'm constantly worried. I need to learn not be and live. i mean live not just exist. 

little romance

can i have this chance to be your little romance?

today was a good day

as stressful as it was, it turned out to be a good day. i turned in my senior project portfolio for a 2nd check up. i also talked to the senior project coordinator and my counselor and got the whole job shadow/event jazz done. had a mighty dinner made for champs nom nom nom. the end

so yeah, i think i like you.

Realization.

In leadership, class is kind of a joke. Regret taking it a little bit . Kind of a waste of an elective, shoulda taken law and justice . Year is more than half way over and I just realized this ! Wasting my time sitting here . Half the people in this class is a joke too. Same people do the same things while others sit around , it's getting tiring . Not to mention I think the teacher picks faves. Can't wait to go to college

ignorance is bliss

i wish you never told me.. but i';m glad you told me ? i'm so confusing, i guess. i just don't understand how we spent so much time talking and suddenly it's done, left me hanging, no reason, no excuses, no explanations. just suddenly don't hear from you. i start to think i'm okay with it and everything that just happened, i even started liking someone else.... then suddenly you send a text out of nowhere with an apology, and i'm back and we're  where we were before. we talk on the phone and you explain everything and suddenly i'm okay with it. it's you again. yea, i like you a lot...

overwhelm.

ahhh so stressed. everything is happening so fast ! senior year is ending and i'm barely done with my senior project. it's all so oeverwhelming, freaking me out, what if i don't finish it.. yikes! still undecided on the college i wanna go to, SDSU or Western? such big decisions to make. days are getting busier and busier and i wish i had more time. tennis is taking up most of my time and leaves me with pretty much nothing. need to get this done.

"Im falling in love but it's falling apart. I need to find the way back to the start. Back when we were in love. Oh when things were better. Let me into your arms."

Lonely.

Two weeks ago, bro bro moved Out and I haven't seen him in awhile.not like we were incredibly close but now that he moved it's so lonely around the house. Mind you he's still only likebten minutes away but still. I never thought I'd miss him but I do

I'd hate to go off on someone on valentines day but screw you, you don't know me and you sure as hell don't have the right to call me stupid.

Expectation is the root of heartache.

Yet we all set high expectations.

Show your weakness. Let your tears fall when you're blue.

I know what it's like to build a wall. I know
what it's like to be alone. I know
what it's like to need someone.

Dreaming with a broken heart.

no it don't breakeven.

I hate the phone but I wish you'd call..

"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person."

senior year

overwhelming.
i thought i had it all figured out but as it gets closer and closer i get more and more afraid. first quarter's already done and i just know the rest of the year is gonna go by even faster..

i guess i dont really know what i want in the future

i just know i don't want to be alone.. which frankly, is not working out very well right now. good thing it's not the future yet.

love is what we were born with

"Cinderella walked on broken glass, sleeping beauty let a lifetime pass, belle fell in love with a beast, princess jasmine chose a common thief, ariel walked on land for love, snow white barely escaped the knife, it was all about blood, sweat, and tears because love means facing your biggest fears, we come to love not finding a person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

here we go again.

don't just tell me you care, show me you do .

What if I'm not who you think I am?

to save a life.

it's been quite a while. with work, school, stress... once again i feel like i'm just coasting along. i need to find that motivation again. but i'm tired. i'm tired of being nice, i wanna think of myself for once but is it right if i hurt someone along the way..