please you not me

I wanna do a lot of things I'm not able to. I'm tired of people telling me what to do but somehow I still let them tell me what to do. It's the fear. I'm a safe kinda gal and I don't like to take risks when it comes to this kinda stuff. I listen to what people tell me to do even if I don't want to and I'm damn good at hiding the fact that I don't wanna do it. When it comes to family, I'd break  my bones to do anything for them, whatever it is they want me to do. But that makes me feel like I hide so much of myself and who I am from them. No one in this world really knows me, hell i don't even know me. People only know what I choose to show them. I like to hide behind my smiles and laughter. I smile when I'm sad, I laugh when I'm happy. I wish I could close my eyes, open them and everything is okay, or better than now. Way too stress with everything I gotta do, school, college, expenses.. I'm 17 the only thing I should be worrying about is school, right ? eh whatever.. soon I'll get out, after high school, everything will be slower.. at least I won't have to stress bout school..